Introducing Russell T Dalek
by Aromene
Summary: It was never a good thing when Tony became bored. This time, however, Bruce had to admit that Stark might just have hit rock bottom. And taken Doctor Who with him.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: This is not actually my own idea. Over at Archive of Our Own, **kellifer_fic **wrote a story where Tony makes a small AI Dalek and gives him to Clint, who's been moping around after the whole 'brainwashing' affair in the movie. Clint names it Eduardo and it follows him everywhere. I couldn't get the image out of my head, and as great as Clint having a toy is, I thought Tony really needed his own. Thanks for the inspiration!**

**AN: The last possible thing I needed to be doing this month was writing Avengers fic. I say this because I have a 25k fic for HBB to write this month (which isn't started yet), a thesis to get back to work on (after a month off) and literally twenty other things I need to be doing work-wise. Avengers' fic was not in the cards. It is totally, completely, **_**entirely **_quaggy_mire**'s fault. 100%. I think I'll sick Davros on her.**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

'Please tell me that's not what I think it is.'

For a man into his forties, Tony had a worrying ability to look like an innocent five-year old. The thought was almost enough to make him smile at the sheer incredulousness of that thought, but it would rather have ruined the disapproving face he was currently going for. Or the 'What have you done _now_ Tony and am I going to need to be the voice of reason?'

'What do you think it is?'

He could also _sound_ like an innocent five-year old.

'I _think_ it's a miniature remote control Dalek. Which would be fine, except that you're holding it.'

'I think I resent the implication in that statement.'

'I suppose that depends on if it's only an implication or if you've actually done something like make it fly or...'

The smirk on Tony's face was all Bruce really needed to confirm the suspicion that had entered his mind as soon as Tony had walked into his lab carrying a twelve inch red and gold Dalek.

'...or done something really stupid like put an AI in it,' Bruce finished with a sigh. '_Tony_.'

'Oh, give me a break, Bruce; it's harmless! It's twelve inches tall. It _can't_ take over the world. It can't even kill anything.'

'EXTERMINATE!' the little Dalek shouted in a ridiculously high pitched computer voice. Tony grinned.

Bruce took his glasses off, rubbed a tired hand over his even more tired eyes and gave himself a full ten seconds to contemplate _when_, exactly, it was that things like this became par for the course with his life.

Around about the time he moved into Stark Tower was the answer he came to, as always.

'Why did you decide you needed a miniature Dalek that has a brain of its own?' he asked the obvious question.

And got the obvious answer: 'Why not?' Tony shrugged. 'I was working on upgrades for the Mark IX and got sidetracked.'

Abandoning any semblance of returning to work in the near future, Bruce set his glasses down on the lab table and said aloud 'JARVIS, save everything, would you?'

'Of course, Dr. Banner,' JARVIS announced from that slightly above and to the right angle his voice always echoed from in this lab. Bruce still hadn't found the actual speaker.

'Thanks,' the doctor continued, already on to the problem standing in front of him. 'Where did you get a toy Dalek?'

Tony gave him a look that suggested he had, once again, asked something incredibly stupid. 'Putting aside the fact that I have minions who can run down to the nearest Toys R' Us and get me one in about an hour...Pepper gave it to me last Christmas.'

That made a strange amount of sense. Pepper would have thought it funny, Tony would have thought it was _hilarious, _and the Dalek would have been put on a shelf in the workshop and ignored in favour of things like R&D for the Iron Man suit. Yep, he would definitely be explaining this one to the pseudo-head of SI now. With profuse apologies for the Doctor Who marathon last week that had clearly inspired Tony's boredom tinkering.

'And, naturally, the only thing it was missing was the ability to organise a war of the kitchen utensils or something.'

Tony looked abjectly horrified. He wrapped a hand around one side of the Dalek's 'head'. 'Don't give him ideas! God Bruce, just think how horrible that would be. If the forks revolt we'll have to eat pizza for the next week in lieu of those steaks I have planned for tonight. Didn't you learn anything last week?' he declared, coming over and setting the Dalek down on Bruce's table.

Bruce eyed the thing warily. Not because he thought for one moment it would actually organise a revolution with the knives and forks, but more because he didn't put it passed Tony to have put some repulsor technology in it. Bruce didn't want burn marks all over his lab. Or himself.

'Look, he's harmless, I promise,' Tony said. Which of course meant the 'toy' was anything but. 'He just hovers a few inches over surfaces and shouts things. Watch.'

He reached a finger out and poked the Dalek.

'RELEASE ME!' it screamed and rose about six inches off the shiny table, rotating around to point its hopefully-not-weaponised gun at Tony's face. A beat later Bruce let himself relax when no blast was forthcoming.

'I made you, Russell, so I'll poke you all I like.'

'Russell?' Bruce asked, already knowing the answer.

'I didn't think Davros quite fit,' the billionaire admitted with a one shoulder shrug. 'Maybe if I build a life-sized one.'

'And are you likely to do that?' Bruce eyed the small one again.

'Depends on how bored I get with other things. It would take a bit to make a proper one. You know, flying ability and all that. Might as well AI one of the suits first. It'd be more use. Hey, you want to fly one of the suits JARVIS? Iron Man Jr?'

'While I am quite certain that would be useful for the Avengers team, sir, I will leave the heroics to you.'

Bruce gave a start at that. JARVIS had always had a measure of his creator's sarcasm, but that was a whole new level.

Tony smiled. 'I upgraded JARVIS' communication programme last week.'

'You get bored a lot, don't you?' the doctor asked, rhetorically. 'Have you shown this thing to Clint?'

'Naw, you were the first one. Besides, this lab's closer. Barton's up on the roof somewhere.'

'He is currently in the penthouse kitchen, sir,' JARVIS corrected.

'Guess even Katniss gets hungry. Come on Russell; let's go see which of you can aim better.'

'Aim?' Bruce asked.

'What; I made it fly. You think I didn't give it blasting capabilities?' Tony threw over his shoulder, already at the door.

'EXTERMINATE!' Russell yelled again from his place between Tony's hands, swivelling around towards Bruce.

The door slid shut with a near-silent hiss. Bruce relaxed back in his seat. 'I miss India,' he muttered.

'Indeed,' JARVIS agreed, matching the doctor's tone of voice perfectly. JARVIS was probably the only reason Bruce hadn't run off to a third world country yet; at least he had some sane company around the Tower.

* * *

Yeah, this is totally the start of a running series. I so don't _need this right now_!

The rest of the chapters will be short and sweet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Can I just thank all my amazing readers, but especially those of you who reviewed, because you had me on the floor laughing!**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

It was later considered a blessing that Thor had not been on Earth at the time.

Had he been, it was very likely that the Dalek wouldn't have survived more than a few minutes after it encountered the God of Thunder. It was more than likely, actually, since Russell _didn't_ survive more than a few minutes, but since that happened weeks after the toy's introduction to the rest of the team, at least they all got to spend a bit of time with the little guy.

Which basically meant that Tony got to spend a lot of time with the little guy and everyone else, baring Clint, ignored the thing. Clint seemed to think it was equal parts funny, ridiculous and very, very entertaining. Natasha had nearly knocked the thing off the kitchen counter over which Russell was hovering inside the first two seconds after it took off. Steve had just been very, very confused, which was his default setting where modern pop culture was concerned.

'I don't get it,' he finally said, staring at the thing with a certain amount of curiosity and hesitation.

'Did you _sleep_ through the DW marathon last week? Because I could swear I remember you asking questions every five minutes,' Tony told him, one eye firmly fixed on Natasha's slow perusal of his new pet.

'No, I get it's a...small version of those pepper pot things –'

Tony giggled very loudly, looked for the briefest second embarrassed by the fact, and then clearly decided it was too funny to matter. 'I...am...*giggle*...so tell...ing Pep that!'

'What, they looked like pepper pots, okay,' Steve said, immediately on the defensive.

'They do,' Clint agreed from his position against the counter. It seemed like he was trying to entice Russell to come a little closer, but since he was standing beside Natasha, the AI in the Dalek was clearly smart enough to stay away. Never let it be said computers couldn't have self-preservation abilities. Even JARVIS knew better than to annoy Natasha on anything other than her best days. Which were never.

'So, yes, it's a small pepper pot – which we call a _Dalek_ in geek-speak – and which is now so much better than that cheap crap people buy their kids from toyland.'

'So it's for kids?'

Tony gave him his signature 'exasperated with Captain Rogers' look.

'No, it's for _me_. Like I'd give a kid something with Stark technology in it? I'm not just giving that stuff away.'

'You built yourself a toy. That's normally for children?'

Tony gave him his 'I've given up on Captain America' look. Steve, in turn, gave up.

'I think it's pretty cool,' Clint cut in. The Dalek had edged a full foot closer to the archer, but Natasha hadn't taken her eyes off it.

'If you kill him,' Tony told her, 'I will e—' he broke off at the look on her face. 'I will be very unhappy,' he finished, putting the kitchen counter between them. The assassin smirked. 'And yes, it's very 'cool',' he agreed with Barton.

'Does he do anything more than hover?'

'Oh yeah!' Tony announced. 'Russell!' The Dalek turned towards him. 'You see that light up there?' he pointed to one of the pot lights above the counter. The Dalek rotated its senor upwards to the ceiling. 'Give it a go, buddy.'

A beat passed. All four adults stood on opposite sides of the large square marble counter, waiting. Suddenly there was a low whine, similar to the sound the Iron Man suit made right before it fired and, sure enough, a small little burst of energy issued from the Dalek's arm and the light exploded.

Clint whooped. Natasha had a gun drawn from _who knew where_. Steve had taken a full step back in surprise. Tony clapped.

'That is so much better than cool,' Barton decided.

'Right?' Tony agreed, grinning with glee.

The next time they all encountered a similar situation, a few weeks later when Thor returned to Earth, went very, very differently. Unfortunately for Tony. And Russell.

* * *

MAKE. IT. STOP.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Bruce quickly got used to the fact that where Tony went, Russell followed. Somewhere about day four, the two of them – man and...tiny Dalek – had shown up in his lab and Russell had been hovering a full foot above the ground. Clearly Tony had turned the power up.

'What, exactly, is powering that thing?' Bruce hesitated to ask.

'What do you think? Palladium may be poisonous to me, but it isn't to Russell. A mini arc reactor will power him until the end of time.'

'Wonderful,' Bruce said; because it was what Tony wanted to hear and because it stood in for his actual response of 'what the hell were you thinking?'

'So, it – he, flies, shoots out pot lights and talks?'

Tony shrugged. 'Well that's pretty much all a real Dalek can do anyways.'

They both suitably ignored the use of the word 'real' in that sentence.

'He responds to voice commands; shouts when you poke him; can follow me around; and knows to stay away from Romanoff. I think that's a pretty big achievement.'

'Even small babies know to stay away from Natasha,' the doctor comment dryly. Hell, even the Other Guy knew to stay away from her most of the time.

'Yeah, that was an image I didn't need,' Tony wrinkled his face like he'd just eaten something particularly unappetising.

Bruce changed the topic. 'When is Pepper back?'

The billionaire-genius-playboy-philanthropist brightened immediately. 'Tonight. There was some delay at a meeting or something in Seattle...I wasn't listening. She'll be back for a late dinner. I specifically heard her use the word 'dinner',' he concluded, looking inordinately proud that he had managed to get that much out of the conversation with his girlfriend.

'I can cook. It's been a while since we did proper meal together. You know, all of us.'

It was true. In fact, it was probably the last time Thor was on Earth, but since he wasn't around, they'd have to make do with the rest of them. Besides, taking Thor out of the mix made cooking a lot less of a chore, mostly because it involved cooking enough for each person and not enough for an army.

'Hey, Pep likes curry. You need anything? I can run to the store.'

There was a very long pause at that.

Bruce blinked.

'Or, send someone to the store,' Tony corrected. 'Or Happy can drive _you_ to the store.'

'Happy went with Pepper,' Bruce explained patiently.

Tony looked confused. 'Did he? I swore he drove me to that meeting with Fury a few days...oh, no, that was last week. Never mind. I didn't go to the meeting with Fury on Tuesday.'

'EXTERMINATE!' Russell shouted.

Bruce blinked again. 'Did you programme him to shout whenever you mentioned Fury's name?'

Tony had the grace not to answer the rhetorical question.

'I'll run out to the store in a bit. There's that international supermarket a few blocks away. I think I can manage that on my own,' the doctor assured him.

'Course you can!' Tony said, a little too loudly. 'It's just...you know...recognition and all that. Cameras flashing. It's not good. I mean, _I_ like it, but not sure the Big Green is really into all that fanfare stuff.'

Bruce rose from his desk, walking passed Tony and – though he wouldn't admit it – giving Russell a good foot of extra space. 'I can manage shopping. I'll wear sunglasses and a hat if it makes you feel better.'

'Or I could come with?' Tony asked. It sounded like part suggestion, part question and part hopeful.

'You really are bored these days, aren't you? No minions in R&D to terrorise? Senators to annoy? SHIELD systems to hack?'

Tony levelled him a sharp look. 'It's three in the afternoon Bruce. How long, exactly, do you think it takes me to do all of that?'

Which didn't need an answer either.

'Right. Grocery shopping it is.' He turned around at the door to see the smile on Tony's face. 'But you are _not_ bringing Russell.'

The smile disappeared. 'Why not?'

But Bruce had already disappeared through the lab's door.

* * *

No. More. Please.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

It was a few days after Thor returned from Earth before he ran into Tony _with_ his pet. After the first week Tony had, of course, gotten a bit bored of the fact that _all_ Russell did was follow him around and shout 'EXTERMINATE!' a lot. And since things were back to progressing on the Mark IX, he'd gotten too busy to tinker with a toy that was never meant to do anything other than obey a remote control.

Tony appeared in the kitchen right before dinner, which was a minor miracle in itself. Or would have been had Bruce not programmed an alarm clock into the Stark Tower systems and convinced JARVIS to make full use of it if Tony went more than six hours without eating – or drinking – something. The alarm shouted 'DELETE' loud enough to be heard over AC/DC cranked at full volume.

Tony had not been amused. Unfortunately, he could not for the life of him figure out where in the system Bruce had hidden the code and JARVIS was being annoyingly useless. He had very nearly reprogrammed him to ensure he obeyed all commands, but Tony had to admit to himself that actually eating regular meals was making his brain work even faster. So he complained very loudly and only made a half-hearted attempt to change it. Which meant that the alarm now shouted 'GERONIMO!'

It had been nearly a week since Tony had last showed up in the kitchen with Russell, but he had obviously wanted to show the little guy to Thor.

At first, Thor didn't even notice the thing. Russell was back to following Tony around as he walked, hovering a foot above the ground, and in the noise of five other Avengers attempting to make dinner, the whine of the propulsion system couldn't be heard.

'Hey Thor,' Tony greeted him. 'I brought someone to meet you.'

Thor turned from his conversation with Clint, a pleasant look of curiosity on his face. 'I should be pleased to meet a new friend, Stark.' Thor couldn't seem to call him, or anyone else, by their first names. Apparently only warriors of Asgard got first names.

Smiling, Tony sidestepped so that everyone could see Russell. Except Thor was not expecting a toy hovering a foot above the ground and so failed to look down.

'Russell,' Tony started, grinning widely. 'Meeting the God of Thunder.'

'EXTERMINATE!' Russell yelled, louder than ever.

In a second Thor was standing to attention, eyes scanning in all directions to locate the enemy.

'Down here, buddy,' the genius motioned to his feet.

Thor looked down, and then took a full step backwards.

Clint burst out laughing.

'Wow, big scary god of loud noises is scared of a toy!' He hooted. Natasha slapped him upside the head, but Clint just laughed harder.

'What...is this creature?' Thor asked, glancing down at it with a good amount of hesitation.

'It's a Dalek. Well, that's not accurate,' Tony explained. 'It's a miniature toy version of an alien from a television series. I just made it better.'

'EXTERMINATE!'

Thor stepped further away. 'It is a most...unusual toy.'

'It's cool,' Barton, who had managed to recover the power of speech, butted in.

'It's awesome,' Tony corrected. 'See, he shoots things too! Russell!' Except he neglected to give any direction to the AI, so the Dalek targeted the nearest thing. Which, unfortunately for all involved, happened to be the light directly above Thor's head.

The light went 'crack' very loudly and shattered into pieces on top of Thor's blond hair. He actually _roared_.

'Oops,' Tony muttered. 'Bad Russell.'

'EXTERMINATE!' Russell shouted, waving his arms around and zooming in circles.

What happened next was a little unclear. Thor made a very loud – and very annoyed – noise and in the next moment Russell lay in shattered pieces across the hardwood.

'What did you DO?' his creator screamed. 'You killed him!'

Thor didn't look at all apologetic. 'I do not suffer attacks to my person so lightly.'

Clint fell off his chair and this time Natasha looked about ready to join him. Bruce was standing between the stove and the counter, tongs in one hand and an expression caught between wanting to laugh really hard and trying desperately not too. Steve still looked confused.

'But you _killed _him! He's harmless and you _smashed him to little itty bitty bits_!' Tony screamed in a voice that would not have been unusual if it belonged to a five year old girl.

'The...creature attacked me.'

'Oh, Russell,' Tony moaned, kneeling down to finger the toilet-like plunger arm. 'I'm so sorry little guy.'

Thor was moving quickly from battle mode to embarrassingly apologetic. 'Perhaps I acted rashly, friend Tony.'

'I'll fix you, buddy, I promise. You'll be so much better when I'm through with you.'

He began to gather up the scattered pieces of the toy, as Thor stood there, Mjolnir dangling from one slack hand, the look on his face suggested he had just accidentally kicked a puppy because it snarled at him.

Tony hugged the scattered remains closely, using his ever present t-shirt to make a sort of basket to hold them all. Ignoring the still howling with laughter Clint and the shocked expressions still gracing Steve and Bruce's faces, he retreated from the kitchen.

* * *

Yeah, there will be another chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

**Here is the end. And yes, it's The End, because I have 20k of other fic I need to write in the next 30 days so help me God (or Thor. I'd take Thor).**

**Chapter 5: Introducing Russell Mark II**

Tony didn't surface for a week. Bruce took pity on him the second day and starting bringing him food, if only to keep the alarm quiet. Tony always looked like he was busy with real work whenever Bruce actually got through the coded door, but he knew that the pieces of the toy Dalek were hiding somewhere nearby and that Tony must be working on it at times when he thought no one would bother him.

'Thor is really very sorry,' Bruce told him on day two as he handed over a plate of stir-fry.

'He smashed it to pieces. With a hammer. With _The_ Hammer. You don't think that was overkill no matter what Russell did to him?'

Bruce tried to hide the smile. 'Yes, quite.'

'Well, it won't happen again.'

'That's good,' Bruce agreed and then paused. 'Wait, why won't it happen again?'

A slow smile pulled across Tony's mouth. Bruce stopped himself from thinking how reminiscent of Loki it was. 'Wait and see. Wait and see.'

A week later, Tony showed up in the kitchen, alone.

'I have a surprise. But first, Thor,' he turned to the demi-god. 'I swear on every single one of my suits, that if you touch this thing with the Hammer I will make certain you never set foot in this Tower again. Clear?'

Thor looked a little uncertain about the intensity in Tony's voice, but he answered anyways, 'Yes, friend Tony.'

'Good. Natasha? No guns.'

She looked just a small bit disappointed.

'Right then! I'd like everyone to meet Russell...Mark II!'

The noise started low, from down the hall; the faint drone that was reminiscent of the Iron Man tech. It grew steadily louder and became a concerted hum. And then around the corner, a not miniaturized Dalek appeared. It was deck out in red and gold glory, which made Steve immediately snort. It came to a stop level with Tony. 'Master,' it intoned, in a much lower-pitch voice than the mini-toy had.

'Yes?' Tony said, smirk evident even in his _voice_.

Clint peeled with laughter. Natasha didn't even both to thump him on the head.

'Russell, I'd like you to meet everyone. Everyone, this is Russell.'

No one said a word, except for Clint, who was laughing so hard he couldn't even form syllables. Finally, Bruce drew out an extended 'Hello.'

'Russell, this is Dr. Banner.'

'Doctor,' it intoned.

Clint actually fell off his chair. Bruce nearly followed. Tony had managed to get the perfect pitch of voice to sound like Nick Briggs on his best day. It was terrifying and very impressive at the same time.

Tony gave them all his best 'I am Tony Stark and I am Awesome' look. 'Good boy, Russell. Now, what are the rules?'

'No explosions,' it uttered, in the self-same voice. 'No attacks on...Master's friends.' The toilet plunger made a circular motion. 'No revolutions.'

Tony was nodding along with each rule. 'Exactly,' he said at the end. 'Definitely no revolutions. We can't afford to have the kitchen appliances revolt. Well, I _can_, but that's really not the point. So, in turn for Russell not shooting out anymore lights and such, he remains undamaged, right?' Tony raised an eyebrow at his team.

They nodded. 'Yes,' Thor intoned.

'Good. And the next time the evil aliens invade, we'll see how they do against the ultimate, universal evil alien.'

Steve's voice had a strange note of interest in it. 'How many of those things can you build Stark?'

Tony just smiled.

* * *

Thank God that's over with. Please, Muse, no more? I can't take the insanity! And I have a HBB to write!


End file.
